Positive Discipline
Giving Praise
Being a parent can be seen as a journey, after all we have a start point, a view to where we'd like to go, and we have things we'd like to enjoy whilst on the way. Sometimes however these journeys can be more like a mystery tour, in that we may have lost our way and suddenly have no idea as to where it is we're going.
It's not unusual for journeys to pan out differently from what we were origionally planning, and that's sometime's part of the adventure, and again most long journey's do have their difficulties, rarely does everything go smoothly, though it's not completely unheard of. We can have disasters along the way that make us wonder why we started the journey in the first place, so there are simularities between both journeys and parenting.
So let's take a toilet break on our journey, pull over and grab a bite to eat and a drink, and see how we feel and what our aims are. Let's ask a few questions;
How are we getting on as a family?
- Do we have fun together - at all, at home or when we're out?
- Do we fight alot, or get on well most of the time?
- Do I have to nag or shout before anyone does what I ask?
- Am I enjoying being a parent, or is it tiring or stressful?
My aims/hopes/goals as a parent
- What are my immediate aims?
- What do I hope for us as a family?
- What kind of relationship would I like to have with my children when they are grown up?
The Four Constructs
The nurture programme is based on the four constructs, or four ideas. These four constructs provide the building blocks for positive, constructive relationships and confident parenting
Which of these areas feels familiar to you? Which one's are new? You might have to think whether or not you already feel positive about any of them.
- Self awareness and self esteem
- Self awareness is an art, it's the way we know ourselves, what we do and don't like, how we feel, and what our needs are. If we become sensative to ourselves it is easier to nurture our needs. By nurturing ourselves we will boost our self esteem, and this in turn makes it easier to nurture others and boost their self esteem, a bit like domino rally!
- Appropriate expectations
- All children grow up in different ways: Emotionally, physically, intellectually and socialy. We as parents need to match our expectations to what they can actually achieve. They all learn thousands of skills at different rates. What one child may find easy to achieve, another child of the same age group may find hard. If we expect too much or too little of them, children tend to become rebellious, frustrated angry, or even give up. It is helpful to them if we are able to recognise each small step in the learning and achieving.
- Empathy
- Being able to tune into otherpeoples feelings, understanding why they feel the way they do is empathy. An important factor of parenting. We don't need to agree with the other person, just be sensative to the way they feel, and accept it. Being able to have an empathetic approach to our children helps to make the relationship we have with them happier healthier and closer. Children who are treated with empathy and respect, will learn to be so towards others.
- Positive Discipline
- There's no question about it, children need discipline to learn what behaiour is OK and what is not. But positive discipline focuses on praise, rewards, giving chioces, negotiating and responsibility. There are also fair penalites for poor behaviour. It makes life more enjoyable for parents and for children, and helps to build self esteem within the familiy. Where as Negative discipline uses punishment and fear; it is stressful for everyone.
Using Empathy
Can you think of a situation in which someone failed to respect your feelings? How did you feel towards that person?
Can ou also think of a time when someone responded empathically towards you? How did you feel towards them?
If we notice how helpful it can be when someone accepts the way we feel, we're more likely to try and tune into their feelings too
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