There's no two ways about it, praise is deffinately the magic ingredient. It's a powerful way of encouraging, supporting, and making others feel good about themselves. It show's we are pleased, enthusiastic or greatful, it helps both children and adults to feel good.

With children, praise works wonders. They need to know when we like what they are doing; it isn't enough to just tell them when we don't like the way they are behaving, with crticism, nagging or shouting, they respond much much better to praise and compliments. The warming glow of pleasure and pride they attain when they're praised for something positive, helps them remember what is wanted, and to try again.

Some people do find it difficult or embarressing to say nice things when they're paid a compliment. Criticism seems to come more readily because it's more familiar. The more we practise giving and receiving praise, the easier it becomes.

• Question!! Why should i praise my children?
  1. Praise helps children to remember what we'd like them to do, how we expect them to behave
  2. Praise helps children to feel good aabout themselves, so they are more liekly to behave well.
  3. Praise helps us to notice all the good things about our children, rather then mostly focusing on their faults.
  4. Praise helps us to feel good, too - it's no fun having to tell children off all the time.
• Question!! Won't the kids get big headed if i praise them?
  1. No, not if the praise is deserved and genuine, and if it is balanced by clear boundaries and fair penalties when they choose to behave badly.
• It's a tough world. Isn't it better to prepare kids for that by not making them soft with praise or dependent on it?
  1. It's helpful to learn to give and receive praise comfortabley, it helps us survive lifes difficulties rather then adding to them.

Steps for giving praise effectively

1. Give the child all your attention
2. Move close to the child
3. Look pleased and share their pleasure
4. Be specific: describe what you like
5. Ask the child what he/she thinks
6. Seek eye contact
7. Mean it - be sincere and let it show in a warm tone of voice
8. Touch the child gently
9. Give pride to the child ("You deserve to feel proud of yourself").

If you are already giving praise, you may like to check how you are doing it and see if you want to change or add anything. If the idea is new, you could start with just one or two of these ideas, and use more of them as you get used to giving praise. Thinking about what you could praise, and rehearsing in your mind what you'd like to say, makes it easier at first.

Praise for doing and praise for being

There are two kinds of praise.

Praise for doing

tells someone that you have noticed what they are doing, and that you like it. If we acknowledge children's efforts, they are more likely to have another go - and more likely to succeed.

Praise for being

tells someone that we value them just for being who they are - their own qualities, personality, etc. They don't have to do anything to earn the compliment; it's unconditional.

It can be difficult to decide whether praise is for being or doing. Thinking about when we praise can help. Do we give the praise as we see something being done, or because we happen to think of it and it's generally true?

Praising ourselves

Many people think the idea of praising themselves is strange - though we're usually quite good at criticising ourselves! It may be hard to think and say kind things about ourselves if nobody else does. We may have grown up thinking we don't deserve any praise - which isn't true. It's never too late to start giving ourselves pats on the back.

Another difficulty is our confusion about the difference between self praise and being boastful or conceited. Self praise recognises that we have done something well (praise for doing) or that we have qualities that we value (praise for being). It's boastful only if we compare our performance to make us feel superior, "more than" someone else, and them inferior, "less than" us.

Praising ourselves - out loud sometimes, and quietly to ourselves often, it's fine - we deserve it. Praising ourselves in front of children shows them that it's OK for them to pat themselves on the back when they've done well. They will still value praise from others, but they won't be so desperate on other peoples approval.

   Positive Discipline